blackquietloudchaos

So I’m tired of a lot of things right now.

Tired of the fact that the economy has been trash ever since I’ve been a functional adult.

Tired of the rampant narcissism epidemic that seems to have taken over this country.

Tired of Mango Mussolini and his minions that are currently turning this country into a port-a-potty.

But I digress from the purpose of today’s post.

I’m tired of working. Really tired.

I remember my mom told me when I was a teenager, that once I started working that I couldn’t stop, and to enjoy not having to work while I could.

BOOOOOOY WAS SHE RIGHT.

I think my field of choice (Information Technology) and specifically, software development, is burning me out.

I’m tired of proving myself in majority White or Indian male spaces over and over again.

I’m tired of being the one blamed when shit blows up.

I’m tired of being micromanaged all to hell.

And I think I’m tired of writing code and problem solving. I don’t know if it’s impostor syndrome, or if I am truly not a good developer. And it’s impacting my productivity. I sometimes go into “functional freeze”, which is an ADHD thing. And I think it’s because of my imposter syndrome and thinking that I can’t do the work, that I’m not good enough.

There are times where I enjoy what I do, but there are plenty of days where I cry and tell myself that I don’t wanna do this anymore.

So I think I’m going back to the business side, because maybe I am truly not technical enough.